To end up the list of ten things lawyer moms should know before going solo, I can’t stress how important it is to stay classy. (Shouldn’t men stay classy, too? Well, yes, of course they should. Need I remind you of the “He’s Tough” / “She’s A Bitch” dichotomy? I didn’t think so.)
In my less-than-humble opinion, staying classy in light of the stresses, anxieties, double-standards and plain old discriminatory actions mother lawyers face is just as difficult as child-birth – only it lasts longer. Nothing has made me want to scream, yell, tear my hair out or take a cue from my children and have a good old-fashioned fists-on-the-floor temper-tantrum than juggling a law career, child-birth, breast-feeding, and the subsequent care of very young children.
Still, when you’re solo, or thinking of going solo, staying classy in spite of these stressors is the only way your career will make it through the grinder mentioned above, and come out the other end resembling something of its former self. In fact, if you work hard and stay classy, it may even look better than before. When tempted to become a less-than-classy-lassie, just remember that when you’re solo, there’s no one to cover for you – or make rain for you.
What do I mean? Well, for example: When the attorney you work for tells you that s/he not willing to accommodate your need for a modified schedule, don’t go all ape-shit, screaming at her, calling him a male chauvinist pig, throwing things, bursting into tears, and threatening litigation. Will you feel like doing all of these things? Of course. Would such behavior be justified? Perhaps. BUT – believe it or not, the attorney(s) you currently hate with a most bitter hate may actually refer work your way later – if you can keep it together now.
Instead of releasing your inner ape, take a break – get a glass of water, a cup of coffee – heck, have a smoke if you need it. (Do avoid the booze – for now, anyhow.) Then calmly thank (yes, you read that correctly – thank) the attorneys for considering your proposal. Explain that, although you are very sorry (yes, you. are. sorry.), in order to do what’s best for you and your family you have decided that you’ll be leaving his/her firm in order to open your own practice and maintain a more flexible schedule. Then thank the attorney again for the opportunies and skills you have gained by working with him/her. Then, calmly, if possible – go home for the day. (Once you’re home, feel free to have a temper tantrum or whip out the booze – assuming the kids are safe with someone else, of course.)
Wow! What did you just do? Perhaps the attorneys you met with are relieved you’re leaving. But perhaps, just perhaps – they are majorly impressed with your lawyering skills. You kept your cool in very tense circumstances. You acted in a very professional manner. You were a zealous advocate for yourself, and you just told them that you are becoming their competition! Best of all, not a one of them can find any fault with your behavior. They can’t write you off as ‘crazy,’ as ‘hormonal,’ or as a ‘bitch.’ And maybe – just maybe – they are second-guessing their decision. Since you’re not a crazy, hormonal, bitch, since you keep your cool under pressure, because you’re a zealous advocate, and perhaps to assuage their own guilt, they may one day offer the olive-branch of a referral when they are conflicted out of a future matter.
And that’s why solo practice lawyers need to stay classy more than anybody else out there. You never know where the next referral will come from, and you never know what slight will cause someone to prevent work from coming your way. Your next meal ticket depends on more work sent your way by people who like and respect you. No matter how good your legal skills are, if people don’t like you, they’re not going to want to send work your way.
So, ladies, keep it classy, and keep the work a-coming your way.
Good luck! And if you’re ever up for a pep talk – or maybe a margarita – just let me know.
